“Hey, Brian! Want to go get tested for HIV with me?”
I asked in what must have been one of the strangest telephone conversation openers 23-year-old senior art major Brian McGrath had ever heard.
He let out an “uhh” that made it clear he was looking for a quick excuse to avoid an unfun time.
“Bring Ryan.”
I tossed back, referring to his roommate Ryan Davis, 31, with whom McGrath has established an art collection, known as Turd Town.
“It takes only 20 minutes, and I’ll buy you a beer.”
Half an hour later, we were at Club Argos with a Pabst Blue Ribbon beer sitting on the bar in front of each of us. We sat watching music videos as Tim Wilson, member of MCG’s Ryan White OutreachTeam, CSRA Safety Net, set up his booth in the corner.
According to its Web site, the outreach team “has been providing free, confidential HIV testing, education, counseling and treatment referrals throughout the Aiken-Augusta area” since 1996. Wilson’s been providing these outreach services since nearly the beginning.
He had brought along a cornucopia of condoms, dental dams, personal lubricants and information on halting the spread of HIV/AIDS, and he was ready to talk about them.
“These are wider overall,” Wilson said, pointing to a condom-filled canister that once held penny candy. “These have more room around the tip, and these are lubricants – both flavored and non-flavored.”
He offered flavored condoms, and a female condom as well, at no charge.
I introduced my slightly nervous friends to Wilson, around whom I’m totally comfortable as he’s been doing my HIV tests for years.
We decided that we’d take out tests together, and Wilson agreed.
“However you feel most comfortable is fine with me,” Wilson said.
He took information from each of us, but not the scary “they’re-going-to-put-me-on-a-listsomewhere” type of information that makes conspiracy theorists cringe. Instead, he charted basic d emo g r a p h i c information, facts none of us would have to be afraid of giving up, like age, race and zip code.
Wilson then quizzed us on the body fluids through which HIV can be transmitted.
“Blood,” replied Davis.
“Semen… Uhh… vaginal secretions,” McGrath said.
“Pre-cum!” Davis said, referring to preseminal fluids.
“And the last one?” asked Wilson. I waited to see if they would get the one I always used to miss.
“Breast milk,” he offered, letting us off the hook.
Wilson explained the procedure for the test, which on the participant’s part is about as easy and painless as it can be. Long gone are the days of giving up vials of blood and waiting an agonizing two to three weeks. This test takes 20 minutes and is as simple as brushing your gums with what appears to be a specialized pregnancy test.
But while it may look like its cousin at E.P.T., it actually tests for antibodies our bodies would make if HIV were present in our systems, and the speed at which it performs this detection has been part of the increasing success of CSRA Safety Net and programs like it all over the world.
“In programs where people have to wait weeks for results many of them never return to find out their status,” Wilson said. “So if they are HIV positive, they may continue to go without treatment and spread the virus without knowing.”
But Davis, McGrath and I were on the 20-minute fast track to the comfort that comes from knowing one’s HIV status. Wilson handed us each an electronic puck that would flash when our results were fully processed and sent us on our way for beer No. 2.
As we finished our cheap domestic brews our coasters lit up like E.T.’s spaceship, and we knew, walking back to the testing corner, that our lives would be changed, no matter the results. I bought us three more bottles to carry over, and after meeting with Wilson to find out that we all tested negative for the antibodies that would indicate HIV infection, those three beers clinked together in a celebratory toast.
“People are almost always so much more emotional when they find out they do not have HIV than when they find out they do,” Wilson said.
CSRA Safety Net tests approximately 800 people per year, but according to Wilson, they’re always looking to increase that number.
For free and confidential Rapid HIV testing, information and treatment referrals, please visit csrasafetynet.org. A calendar of events on the site lists testing dates and sites, including Pyramid Music on Broad Street and The Harrisburg Community Center on Crawford Avenue.